Photo by Josipa Juras on Unsplash

It’s quarter after 3 in the morning and I’m still awake. I was tidying up the house and feeling uninspired, uninterested, un-… I don’t know, un-something.

Not that there’s nothing to do. There most certainly is. But none of it is fulfilling. Not really.

It’s repetitive and stagnant. Static. Nothing new from day-to-day.

As warm water flows over the rubber gloves, something that was therapeutic once, I feel my eyes glaze over.

I don’t know what I’m thinking about… everything and nothing.

All the things in the world I can’t change on my own but the injustice of it all is nearly unbearable.

I don’t want to hide from it… but engaging with it is traumatic.

I’m surprised more people aren’t agoraphobic. It’s enough to make most want to shut down and curl up.

Who knows, the year is still young. I may do so yet.

But for now, I tidy up, keep the house and myself clean, and wait for the promise of a happier future.




Classical Singer & Amateur Prose Writer

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

22 Tips To Start Building the MENTAL HEALTH You’ve Always Wanted

What grief taught me about public health approaches to mental illness

You are not alone.

Story 31: Suicide! In Memory of My Great-niece Mia (written 11/27/2020)

I Wish You Could See

Don’t Let Your Bucket Tip Over.

Life seems a mess?

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Ada J. Raven

Ada J. Raven

Classical Singer & Amateur Prose Writer

More from Medium

A grateful goodbye!

A time for mixing your metaphors

Ten Tips for Teen Anxiety — Meaningful Paths

Why I Don’t Cry Anymore When Think About Charlie’s Hospitalization