I Spent the Day Asleep

photo by reza shayestepour on Unsplash

“… a minor but perilous triumph of being over nothingness.”

Well… sh*t.

This being the last line of Joan Didion’s essay on Michael Laski and the C.P.U.S.A. (M.-L.), summing up the latter’s world.

As for me, I spent the day asleep.

I woke up late, had a smoothie around 1pm, put the bedding in for a wash, and then passed out on the couch.

Bob Ross talked me to sleep while blending clouds and mountains into a blue-brushed canvas.

Maybe I’ll take up painting.

The grocery shopping was done online. Since I have no car now, every trip is a walk.

Browsing the aisles can only conclude one of two ways: in a cab back home or a trudge on foot.

So do I spend the extra money or try to carry it all home?

Ultimately, it’s cheaper to ask someone to bring it to me. I think. I don’t know.

But I’m not looking forward to the possible disapproval I’ll get for not leaving the house.

And here begin the thoughts of self-doubt, of self deprecation.

Why couldn’t you just — ?

No. Stop. Close your eyes. Fade out.

I wake up hours later in a haze, but with most of the painful angst gone.

Still, I look around at the tiny flat in which I sit…

Another day gone. Some things done. I’m still here.

But it feels like a triumph over nothing.

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Classical Singer & Amateur Prose Writer

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Ada J. Raven

Ada J. Raven

Classical Singer & Amateur Prose Writer

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